The Fallen Soldier Chronicles Part 1: Survival

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AirborneHam
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The Fallen Soldier Chronicles Part 1: Survival

Post by AirborneHam » Tue Aug 30, 2011 10:30 pm

His only thought was pain. He could barely breathe and he was lying in a pool of his own blood. He could think. His heart was beating rapidly. He could see a blur of his surroundings and hear the sting of silence. He had survived somehow, and now Sven was in a state that was worse than death.

He remembered being shot. The bullet pierced his Exo-Suit and he was sure he would die. He had a bullet embedded in his lung, nobody survives that. He also remembered planting an explosive charge. Looking around, he saw the fuzzy shape of rubble. The world around him was darker than he remembered, but light was shining through cracks in the crumbled cement and shattered steel that created a cage around him.

Sven tried to sit up. The pain in his chest was so great that he took four costly minutes to get in a position that he could work from. His time was short and the clock wasn’t slowing down any. He felt his legs for the emergency med-kit standard on Recovery Team armour and pulled it from its compartment. His vision was slowly getting worse so he focused all of his effort on searching the case for the tissue regeneration needle.

Six minutes had passed since he awoke. He snatched up the needle when he found it and used his other arm to disengage the plate of his suit that covered the right side of his chest. Sven worked the metal off of his body and quickly jabbed the needle into his torso. He could feel the flesh cloning itself as the growth agent took effect. The feeling was strange, as if maggots were crawling out of his wound and forming into skin.

The process would take hours to fully patch the wound and it might never rebuild his lung. Sven needed to escape and find someone to help him. As the wound healed, his vision cleared slightly and he could hear the sounds of nature taking hold of its new territory. He searched for his communicator and found the remnants of the device scattered underneath a large piece of rubble. Sven cursed and, wincing at the pain of his new skin stretching and flexing with his body, crawled into a crouched position so that he wouldn’t hit his head on the low ceiling.

His hands crawled across the surface above him, carefully testing each rock or support beam for any sign of give. After nearly ten minutes of searching, he found a weak spot in a small crevice. Slowly pushing it out of the way, he moved the cement block to reveal sunlight that was blinding. Sven’s eyes adjusted to the light and he climbed onto a steel beam. Around him were the remnants of the factory that the CSU had controlled. The walls were blown out by the force of the explosion and rubble extended almost a block away from them.

Just as he got out of the cave he was in, the beam below him began to rumble slightly. Looking down, Sven saw that the facility went underground several floors and that the structure beneath him was collapsing. He began to run towards the edge of the building across falling pieces of the ancient recycling plant. He lost his breath after only a few seconds of running and the inside of his chest began to burn. The slab of concrete beneath him gave way and he made a final leap to the edge of the collapse.

The floor beneath him was gone. He would surely die if he didn’t reach the solid wall of sidewalk that was barreling towards him. The impact was tremendous and it knocked out what little breath he had left. His hands scrambled to grab the ledge. Both got a hold on it but his left hand slipped on some rocks leaving him hanging by just one arm and out of breath. He knew for sure that he would die.

Just before he gave up and let go, Sven heard the sound of feet coming from the streets above him. They walked up to the ledge and a man looked down at him. Scratching his grey beard, he said “Hmm… Reclaimer. You got yourself in quite the predicament, don’t you boy?”
AirborneHam, author of several stories in the Dark Potential Fan-Fiction Forum.

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AirborneHam
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Re: The Fallen Soldier Chronicles Part 1: Survival

Post by AirborneHam » Tue Aug 30, 2011 10:33 pm

You thought he was dead, didn't you? Sven will have more adventures in the new series: The Fallen Soldier Chronicals...... Quite epic, isn't it? 8)

Leave critiques and comments please. Just because we're focused on mechanics doesn't mean we have to ignore fluff. Stories are fun, too. :D
AirborneHam, author of several stories in the Dark Potential Fan-Fiction Forum.

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Roy-Batty
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Re: The Fallen Soldier Chronicles Part 1: Survival

Post by Roy-Batty » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:42 am

Overall impression: I like it! You know how to get readers into your story and I always get left with a need to read more.

Personal minor gripes:
- The tissue regeneration is a bit too easy for my taste. Bullet wounds would no longer be an issue if a small dose of the serum solves potentially fatal wounds.
- He seems to be alive and (more or less) kicking for quite a long time after getting shot in the lung. I would make that part more urgent, or do you have a good reason to do it in this way?

Anyway, just my opinion of course and congratulations for keeping on writing. Your stories seem to gradually gain quality since the first piece, and that was already pretty good!
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AirborneHam
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Re: The Fallen Soldier Chronicles Part 1: Survival

Post by AirborneHam » Wed Aug 31, 2011 6:34 pm

Thanks Roy. I enjoy writing and It's good to get opinions on here.

1) The regeneration is really easy but if you look at modern medicine, we're growing ears back right now, who says we won't heal skin in the future. But, it only heals the superficial wound. The internal parts are still damaged, he just stopped the bleeding with the med.

2) I figure the exo-suit gives a little bit of strength so he can pull off some more extreme things.But he is weak. Remember that this only takes place in about 10-15 minutes... It's all adrenaline right now.

It's all kind of flawed but it makes for good fiction.

Again thanks for your comments.
AirborneHam, author of several stories in the Dark Potential Fan-Fiction Forum.

Start here: http://www.miniwargaming.com/forum/view ... 19&t=63550

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